A wonderful blogger I just found, Diane Comer, is writing a series of letters to her son, Matt, who asked her to write him letters describing what to look for in a woman. She has done very well and I’m eager to see what else she writes him! My favorite letters thus far are this one about leading a woman with words and this one about God-needing versus man-needing women. Here is the link to the letter series: http://www.hespeaksinthesilence.com/category/letters/ (These aren’t just “Oh, these are interesting, you should read them if you have time” kind of letters. These are “No, seriously. This is worth your time” kind of letters. Read ‘em.)
Her letter about leading a woman with words was incredible, to say the least. 10 ways to lead a woman with words, whether she be a quiet, shy woman or a girl who can’t seem to stop the flow of words coming from her mouth. How to ask questions, how to affirm her, how important it is to give her the Word, to initiate conversation and guide it, to look in a girl’s eye and more. I would definitely say these letters are a must for anyone – man or woman.
I was especially intrigued by the God-needing vs. man-needing woman letter. Upon reading the title, I immediately categorized myself as a God-needing woman. But as I read on, I quickly realized that in the past few years, I have been leaning more and more towards the man-needing category.
A man-needing woman wants something good (fulfilled life and dreams), but she’s going about getting it in entirely the wrong way. She’s seeking a man because the world around her has told her that she will find enjoyment, happiness, love, fulfillment, and stability in a man. And it’s true – those things can be found in a man but only for a time. It may be for a few weeks, months, or even years. But a man is just that – a man. A man will try hard to please his woman and make her happy, but because he’s only human, eventually he will fail, leaving both of them sitting there wondering what happened. How are we supposed to find a fulfilled life in the creation when it’s only the Creator – the One who made us - who can show us our purpose? Men and women both were created to find fulfillment in God alone. We were made God-needing.
Too often, we women expect men to fill our craving for purpose, love, and more. We think that by getting married, giving ourselves to a man, starting a family – we think that if we care for, love those things enough, we will feel fulfilled, we’ll find our purpose.
Searching for the right man – that’s not a bad thing! God created marriage and it can be beautiful! Married, engaged, or single, how many times do we think a relationship, marriage or our husband will be the end-all, be-all, that all our insecurities and loneliness will evaporate into thin air. No matter what our situation is, we easily make the mistake of thinking a man can be everything for us.
So women- which are you: God-needing or man-needing? God created us and it’s only through Him that we can find our fulfillment. While a man will eventually fail us, God never disappoints. We may not understand what’s going on, what He has planned, what He’s trying to teach us, but God promises us:
“For I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:11)
“The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail” (Isaiah 58:11).
So sure, do I fall into the pit of thinking that a boyfriend or husband will fix things, get rid of my loneliness, be someone who will always make me happy? Duh. Of course I do. Which is why I need reminders like these letters to put me back on track. I don’t want to be the man-needing woman. Those kinds of women only tear down their husbands and set themselves up for more pain.
Instead, I want to be one of the God-needing women – “…women who are learning and growing and practicing what it looks like in everyday life to ‘hope in God’ (see I Peter 3:5). They’re not perfect, not by a long shot. But they’ve figured out that only God can satisfy the craving in their hearts for more…pursuing Him actively and purposefully, gaining wisdom and knowledge and intimacy with God…Instead, they look to God for all that He has to say about happiness and joy and serving and giving out of the overflow of a heart that belongs wholly to Him.”
It ain’t easy. But it will be worth it.